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Tuesday, November 29, 2011
so i woke up today not only thinking yay its my birthday,
but yay its MADELEINE L'ENGLE'S BIRTHDAY!
we share a birthday and somehow that brings this extra richness to november 29th.

on my birthday i like to spend time reading one of her books,
i have lots of options,
and today i chose her biography------------ suncatcher. a small gem that i discovered this summer.
\

did you know her book wrinkle in time was rejected by publishers 29 times?
29 times. and then it became a bestseller.

i know this might sound funny, but i want this next year for me to be about becoming a real photographer.  saying yes, this is what i love and i will put it all out there even if it gets rejected over and over again.  i'm realizing there are things that i want to do with my images that i dont believe are possible. i don't feel good enough.

but this next year is going to be about telling my story, dancing, moving to the music, and trusting that i was not only meant to bring freedom to others but to accept the freedom that i have also been given.

man.......i could write forever about her, and about this book, and about year 25, but i need to go to my friend jen's house for our weekly tuesday tradition.  talking, tea, and yoga.  and then i plan on walking around south pasadena, eating lunch at heirloom, and then having more time with friends tonight.  i really like normal days so i hope today is extra normal in a special sort of way.  my favorite part of the day so far has been my SHOWER.  showers are just the best, especially when there's eucalyptus lavendar shampoo. 

anyway,
peace to you,

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p.s., my roommate came home last night and just set this tree up and hung ballerinas all over it.  what! best birthday present ever.

and one of my favorite quotes from the book----
God does not ask us to be perfect, but only to be who we are.
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Christianne says:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANNON!

Your blog is such a happy place for me to come and visit, and I felt like I got to visit with you for just a few quiet, whispered moments of glee on your birthday.

How cool that you share a birthday with Madeleine L'Engle!

I like that you like normal days. Me too, more and more with each passing week.

PS: That tree with ballerinas is so amazing! Love it. xoxo

(11.29.11 @ 11:41 AM)
Elise says:

Happy Birthday, Shannon!!! (And a happy posthumous remembering of Madeleine L'Engle, one of my favorite authors.) The ballerina tree is the best! It makes me want to pick up my pointe shoes and pirouette again!

(11.29.11 @ 12:29 PM)
blythe says:

beautiful, beautiful shan! this birthday feels extra special for some reason, and yet, like you said, just like a special, normal day.

i love you dear friend. :)

(11.29.11 @ 12:48 PM)
Christine says:

I'm glad you had a happy birthday. :)
I love those ballerinas!

(11.30.11 @ 08:03 AM)
Christina says:

Aww...happy birthday, Shannon! I know that for the few minutes I've met you that you've enriched my life in a great way. :) Here's to many more special normal days!!

(11.30.11 @ 01:01 PM)
Candy Kempsey says:

I just saw this..happy belated birthday :)

(12.04.11 @ 07:31 PM)
susan yee says:

shannon! thank you for the book rec, i LOVE madeline l'engle! yes yes, we are kindred souls. :)

(12.11.11 @ 11:56 PM)
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Wednesday, November 23, 2011
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there is a lady dancing in starbucks right now.
i dont know if i have ever blogged from starbucks----
i dont know how i feel about admitting i'm AT starbucks.
sorry peets, don't worry, i still think your milk foam consistency is way better.


okay i have NEVER had such a hard time figuring out my thoughts.
this blog post has been started four times.
story of my life right now.
the video took 60....
........i changed my mind on my haircut today about 10 times. she kept having to put the cape thing on again because i would want one more little snip to happen. its nice when people are gracious though. gracious with watching something emerge.


so working on shine has caused me to forget to do key things, like the dishes. laundry. dancing. going on walks. calling my friends.  eating fresh foods. blogging. it's interesting how easy it is to let your natural and healthy rhythms slide down the priority list when your heart is so excited about something else!


it's also interesting how the crash of life can come down on you when you get just one second to breathe. last weekend i went to a birthday party and walked in the door and was for some reason about to cry. i was kind of surprised at my own emotions: i didn't plan for you, tears. what the heck. i think it was that i had been working so hard on shine and then had a moment of realizing: oh. its out. my idea is out. its vulnerable to have something be OUT. i also hadn't taken time to pause in a really long time. it's easy for me to forget, and to work like crazy. i dont want to be a person who works instead of being a human.


ive experienced though, that launching shine while i'm still in the process of getting everything together has caused me to feel so open and raw and like my heart is out there in the world with no strings holding it down. 


i'm done with walking in the neutral zone with my photography.  i actually feel like i'm being pushed out of the nest. this is simply where life has brought me. and now the choice is to either fly or fall. ha. i choose fly.


yeah to release a dream into the world and to let it live and breathe.....
its a bizarre and beautiful experience.


so i dont know.
this week has been both freeing and also has left me feeling this lack of control, which is so good for me.  to not have it all planned out.


i am sensing this new phase for both just my life and my process as a photographer:
admitting, yup, this is me.
this is what i care about.


and ha..... its not like this is a new idea.  its more just a clarification and a declaration. i've always been about the real, the daily, the path of an individual woman toward being fully herself, because it's my story too.  i'm on the path too. even back in 2007 i did this photo project in school where i photographed my friends in their dorm rooms. my jaw dropped when i read my description about what i was all about at that time. so similar to now.


i dont know.
its interesting feeling called into being even more open when you thought you already were.

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susan yee says:

you go, girl, you GO. ;)

(11.23.11 @ 07:23 PM)
Christianne says:

I really love the photo at the top of this post? Is it in your home? Because it looks like it's taken from way up high, like the second story of a building, and I never had the impression that your pink house had a second floor!

Also, I think it is so cool + amazing that you've been about the sacredness of the everyday since that 4x5 project. So cool to see that you're getting more and more clear and in tune with who you have been all along.

I'm still so proud of you for taking these steps forward -- for launching shine out into the world, but also declaring that you are done with certain forms of photography work so that you can be completely clear and free to do the work only you can do.

I so know that feeling of vulnerability from putting your idea and yourself OUT THERE. I had that exact same feeling after I finally opened registration on my Look at Jesus course -- it was my first time taking a huge step like that, and I felt very exposed and raw and vulnerable, but also really alive, like I was living more fully into myself.

Long comment! But all that to say, I love the person you are and the story you're living. xoxo

(11.23.11 @ 08:16 PM)
Jenny Gerberding says:

you inspire me, girl. beautiful vision. isn't it amazing that the ideas we were chewing on and wrestling with in college are still present today? i know mine certainly are. keep breathing. keep being. keep shining.

(11.23.11 @ 10:39 PM)
teri says:

thank you for being so real and open. you are an inspiration! i am also hoping to crack open my shell and begin pursuing what i know is in my heart.. also my dream since studying photography in college (and well before). it is a vulnerable place to be and just reading your honesty helps validate my own thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams. keep it up!!

(11.28.11 @ 09:27 AM)
teri says:

thank you for being so real and open. you are an inspiration! i am also hoping to crack open my shell and begin pursuing what i know is in my heart.. also my dream since studying photography in college (and well before). it is a vulnerable place to be and just reading your honesty helps validate my own thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams. keep it up!!

(11.28.11 @ 09:30 AM)
teri says:

thank you for being so real and open. you are an inspiration! i am also hoping to crack open my shell and begin pursuing what i know is in my heart.. also my dream since studying photography in college (and well before). it is a vulnerable place to be and just reading your honesty helps validate my own thoughts and fears and hopes and dreams. keep it up!!

(11.28.11 @ 09:30 AM)
Jasmine says:

You are magic to me, as always.

(11.28.11 @ 08:47 PM)
Jasmine says:

You are magic to me, as always.

(11.28.11 @ 09:16 PM)
Anya Elise says:

I know you posted this a while back - and admittedly I'm new around here - but I had to add a comment, because yes. YES. "i'm done with walking in the neutral zone with my photography." You have expressed in this post, so beautifully, something I have been feeling quite a bit this past year. It's always good to hear you're not alone in the uncertainties that plague an open, creative life.

Your photos and blog are wonderful! Continue to rock it!

(12.13.11 @ 12:25 PM)
Judy says:

YES! yes! YES!!! LOVE it! You ROCK, Shannon!

(12.30.11 @ 07:14 PM)
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Monday, November 14, 2011
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i spent the weekend in lake arrowhead---
at a retreat-------
and some of my favorite time was time spent laying on the floor.
laying on the floor and looking at light and realizing,
oh.
a) it is so good for me to take the time to just look
b) i am a person who was made to use my eyes to see
c) whats up with the color white?
d) where did that circle come from?
e) popcorn ceilings arent all bad.

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marilyn paul says:

Popcorn ceilings aren't all bad if it's somewhere besides your WHOLE HOUSE! Touch that stuff up there and you get a snow shower into everything. I DON'T LIKE IT! It's a mess to get rid of when it's everywhere. BUT, I love you, Shannon.....gr ma

(11.15.11 @ 08:34 AM)
leah noble says:

Oh girl, you are so inspiring. I feel like your blog just reaches right across all the BS and touches the REAL. You've got a real gift both in your writing and in your photography. I so love what I discover here, and mostly what it makes me discover about myself.

(11.16.11 @ 05:17 PM)
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Monday, October 17, 2011
i lost my phone.
on my way going from a coffee shop to a building next door, it disappeared.
i wasn't even in a hurry! what the heck!
it happened so effortlessly that all i could do was laugh.
i came home and told my roommate, and she noticed that i was BEAMING.
apparently i was really ecstatic about this loss.
i honestly all of a sudden felt so light and free.
i never want a phone again.
it was actually quite surprising and hilarious how much burden i felt lift right off my shoulders.
i have been entirely enjoying the past 3 days and 3 nights with no way of communicating except for real life.

its interesting how much i've had to trust.
to trust that a friend will show up when we've planned to,
to trust that even though i'm not getting calls, that people still like me,
to trust that when texts and calls go into a black hole....it will be okay. (i got scared yesterday that since i'm not replying or calling back--- WHAT IF PEOPLE THINK I HATE THEM. such an interesting fear.)

along with trust, there's the opportunity for surprise.
today i went to my favorite and now DAILY place to drink coffee and read: busters.
i would normally call jen to see if wanted to come.
but took the lack of a phone as a sign to just be there with just me.
then guess who showed up.
I KNOW! we screamed and sat in amazement at how our lives could randomly connect even when we didn't try.  to let God be nice like that was so, nice.

over the weekend i found myself being so aware of time. or....unaware of time.
my roommate wanted to do this little photoshoot of cosmo and i, and i had just gotten out of the shower so my hair was wet and i had no makeup on and it felt so raw and beautiful and like time stood still.

no phone.
a way of waking up to the present moment instead of constantly trying to be somewhere else.
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and yeah i'm avoiding getting a new one as long as possible. so far i'm still alive, business is still alive, photos are still being taken, food is being eaten, friends are still alive, cosmo is alive...... ETC. who knew.
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carson leith says:

one of my favorite posts by you, EVER.
i resonate with these thoughts so much and love being forced to have only REAL LIFE face to face conversations. love love love having no phone.

two fav lines:
"no phone. a way of waking up to the present moment instead of constantly trying to be somewhere else."
"i have been entirely enjoying the past 3 days and 3 nights with no way of communicating except for real life."

(10.17.11 @ 02:38 PM)
Katie says:

I often want to throw my phone away or at least take a break from it. You always inspire me.

(10.17.11 @ 02:47 PM)
Heather Leith says:

i secretly loved it when my phone broke. i experienced these same things!

(10.17.11 @ 03:00 PM)
deborah ford says:

this is so counter-cultural...beautiful how you are learning to embrace each moment as it unfolds...discovering so much freedom in letting go...enjoying the gifts of each day...i love how you walked right into this & haven't looked back...with Katie, I am inspired ... & smiling right now!

(10.17.11 @ 03:40 PM)
jas says:

This is an inspiring tale, but also makes me feel woefully fearful, now that just four days ago, I entered my first steps into the world of smartphoning.Others are already rejecting the world I have so little knowledge of yet! I feel behind the times.

And you and cosmo are the cutest.

(10.17.11 @ 04:50 PM)
hollie says:

i love leaving my phone and bags at home and going places completely empty handed... so free. This is a great post. love you.

(10.17.11 @ 08:17 PM)
hollie again says:

oh and who needs phones anyway now? we have no shortage of ways to communicate simply through this crazy thing called the internet that so often sucks the life right out of us.

(10.17.11 @ 08:21 PM)
Leah Bean says:

What about getting a landline? That's all I have. It's beautiful. It takes messages. It's there when you get home. But when I'm out and about I'm there with just me, just a paper and pen in case someone wants me to take a note about something.

(10.18.11 @ 07:25 AM)
Leah Bean says:

What about getting a landline? That's all I have. It's beautiful. It takes messages. It's there when you get home. But when I'm out and about I'm there with just me, just a paper and pen in case someone wants me to take a note about something.

(10.18.11 @ 07:27 AM)
Amy Hood says:

Losing your phone is TOTALLY the best. :)

(10.18.11 @ 11:43 AM)
Flora says:

I have dreams about giving up my cell phone. My fiance wants me to get the new iPhone, but I think my subconscious is secretly resisting this.... I kind of think that if people can finally get a hold of me via e-mail while I'm out and about, then there's no hiding anywhere.

(10.18.11 @ 01:46 PM)
MaeMae Paperie says:

one of my favorite posts.

for about 3-4 months i would only use my phone in my studio. when i left - the phone stayed. made me feel SO GOOD. now i am not so freaked out about people being able to contact me. i feel in control. the phone doesn't control me. but maybe i will need another phone fast in the future.

LOVE YOU.

(10.18.11 @ 05:39 PM)
Larissa says:

I love how much trust and joy you are experiencing with the loss of your phone. I hope I am the kind of person who can have those qualities whenever I am without the things I assume I depend on.

(10.19.11 @ 02:57 PM)
giedre says:

J.e.a.l.o.u.s. I HATE phones. And, as a result, I generally don't answer calls and avoid calling back as long as possible. I'd much rather just meet in person or over email. Email, well still annoying and time-consuming, doesn't seem to be nearly as obtrusive as a phone call. :) So, just wanted to let you know, I'm kinda in awe and totally jealous of you.

(10.19.11 @ 03:34 PM)
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Thursday, October 13, 2011
i want to announce the next seeing class!
january 21st. i'd love to have you.

during the week leading up to this past class, i had some major inspiration in my own life which led me to incorporate some new things.
including: a 5 course lunch at my favorite restaurant: heirloom----  and a visit from my yoga instructor to teach us how to open up not only in our vision, but in our body.

the body, the soul, the mind, and the heart are all connected.
for me, experiencing new tastes, and new yoga poses are such beautiful ways of opening me up creatively.  doing those things with our bodies somehow magically filters into our whole selves.  i love that.

so, it felt natural and right to lead people down that path with me.
that's what the class is all about: getting out of your box and becoming more free.
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so this is charity :)
one of the deepest souls i know.
teaches me to dive into the deep end without a life preserver and just swim.
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holly!
when i asked her what color she'd be, she chose yellow. i agree.
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and this is lauren---
the one who brought a peach as her object to photograph, because she's obsessed with The Earth. yes girl.
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and chelsea!
whose favorite color is pukey green because it reminds her of her grandma. :)
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so the next class is open for registration.
it is a two month experience that starts on january 21st and includes the following:
-- the 5 course yummy lunch & yoga practice
-- 9+ hours of group class time, FULL of teaching, doing, breathing, exploring.
-- 3 one-hour mentoring sessions with me
-- a notebook with resources, tips, questions, and exploration assignments to do on your own
-- super easy tips for how to make your camera UN-COMPLICATED! :)
-- a chance to see how i photograph people
-- ways to deepen your understanding of light
-- a mini portrait session of you!
and... tons more. its an experience. its a process. its therapeutic. its for people who want to pay attention to their vision and to deepen their view of the world.

if you're interested sign up here! (seven spots available.)

peace to you,
shannon
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Leah Bean says:

Can you come to Cape Breton and do a class here?!? Pretty please? I can give you a place to stay, a yoga teacher who would cooperate, a restaurant to eat at and people to take part. It could be rad!

(I'm mostly kidding since I bet it would cost more for you than it would be worth, but I would also LOVE to take this class and California is just so far away.)

(10.18.11 @ 07:31 AM)
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Monday, October 10, 2011

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i've been using my new favorite coffee shop as my new favorite place to work.
i used to think working at a coffee shop would be annoying,
and it felt too cliche for a self employed photographer to go to a coffee shop to get some things done.
but now i get it.
instant coworkers!
lots of refills!
buzz!
and the prettiest light in the bathroom which awkwardly makes me want to stay in there forever just staring at the paper towel dispenser.
why do bathrooms always, always, have the best light.??
maybe its because there's time to actually sit and stare.
this is getting to be an interesting post.
but yeah, that's my theory.
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isabel says:

reminds me of ryan muirhead. he loves shooting in bathrooms. and yes, i'm in love with the paper towel holder here.

(10.10.11 @ 03:11 PM)
Tracey says:

yes, why do bathrooms have the best light? Seriously. I've thought of this before too. NOT weird that you pulled out your camera while you were sitting there. Not at all....

(10.15.11 @ 09:17 PM)
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Friday, October 7, 2011
you know when you dont KNOW?
when you're not sure of the outcome so therefore you dont do anything?
i do that all the time.
and then i realize, oh. my only job is to move to the music, not to predict what will happen in the end.
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life motto right now:
just BE yo' dancer self!

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Katie says:

I'm gonna remember that one. :) I like to call it "my YES moments." Just learning to say yes instead of automatically saying no.

(10.07.11 @ 02:18 PM)
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